D E S T R U C T I V E Beauty

[ F I L E D A T E May 6, 2020]

It's like there are two completely different sides in my mind.

The good voices and the bad voices...

They are both competing for my attention and sometimes I don't know who to believe.

Okay actually I do know who to believe, the good side obviously.

Like I know to believe the good voices, but I don't, I choose to believe the bad voices in my head.

The voices that bring me down.

The voices that leave me feeling hopeless and worthless.

So why believe them when I know who to believe?

Why do they overpower so much to where I can't hear the good voices?

It's like the good voices diminished completely.

Anyways...

It's like destructive beauty.

The beauty of it is that I still hear the good voices in my head from time to time.

I am encouraged to keep on going.

I feel hopeful.

I know that I will be okay in the end that's what I tell myself at least.

I feel empowered.

But then....

The destructive part of the beauty comes in.

The bad voices in my head.

The depression.

The hopelessness.

The worthlessness.

The feeling of being lost all the time.

These endless cycles that repeat themselves over and over again.

I can't blame it all on the depression.

I choose to believe everything that my mind tells me.

Don't I have a choice and a say on who to believe?

It is confusing.

Destructive Beauty.

That's what my mind is.

— W. Z. O N E

//transmission complete.

If you’re reading this,

I made it out from the ruins.