Passing Thoughts

These are the thoughts I wrote down one day exactly as they came. No editing, no structure, just how it felt to be inside my mind.

Journal entry April 22, 2018.

• It feels like I’m drowning and suffocating at the same time

• I’m drowning in a sea of my own thoughts. It’s causing me to internally suffocate because it’s too much

• I don’t know what to do with my life. I don’t have a plan. Please give me my purpose

• Some days are harder than others

• Trying to stay positive sometimes is hard. But i try.

• Am i crazy? Or am i just really depressed? I can’t tell and that’s really scaring me. I don’t want to be crazy. Sometimes i feel like im losing control. Sometimes I don’t want to be around myself which sucks because i have no choice but to be around myself

• Living a negative life will lead to your own destruction

• Negative thoughts will lead to your own destruction

• I think im getting worse… I don’t have any motivation for anything anymore. I don’t want to take a shower at night, I don’t want to work, or do anything - I need help *help is coming*

• Someday. Someday i will be okay… just keep going

• Why wont you leave me alone? Let me be. I will succeed and you will lose. Sometimes i feel like I’m almost there but then im really far away. I don’t know.

• I feel like crying

• The more th days go by the more i feel like this life isn’t worth it. That’s how i feel right now. Even though i feel like that i continue to keep moving on because i know my life will get better. I’m not gonna live like this forever. Even though I want to quit I’ll keep moving. I just wish I wasn’t alone. I need someone to talk to-

• I feel like i might be going through a bad phase. I’m at this point in my life where i feel like I’m going through a bad phase. I’m at a point where I don’t care about anything. I’m done. Screw life. I try and try to stay happy but it’s hard. I’m not even taking care of myself anymore/i have to force myself to do it-

• I feel alone

• I’m alone and I hate being alone-

• Sometimes i feel so mentally screwed up I don’t even feel normal anymore. I hate that feeling I don’t know how to describe it…-

• I can’t really concentrate anymore-

• I’m not doing to well right now but I’ll be okay eventually-

• man today is a really crappy day-

• I feel so mentally screwed up sometimes cause you know depression, anxiety, and then sometimes i tell myself you have to be like this or that. Or i tell myself this is weird.

• I tell myself that it doesn’t matter as long as im happy but sometimes its not that simple.

• Sometimes it feels like im trapped because i want to be confident and out in the world but at the same time im afraid and it sucks honestly.

• I think im just trying to find myself. You know? I don’t know its weird causes at sometimes i feel like I’ve found myself and I’ve found what i want to do in the world, but then sometimes i just don’t know. It’s confusing-

• Sometimes i get to the point where im drained i have no choice but to think of my problems-

• My mind becomes so foggy and I can’t think straight… that’s no good-

• Sometimes i feel so much pain in chest starts to hurt… that’s not good either-

• Like i feel like my heart is starting to break-

• No one knows what i do or think at night-

• Nothing kills someone faster than their mind-

status: signal f l i c k e r s