sad and trapped

Journal Entry April 7, 2021

Sad and trapped.

I feel like my whole life is passing me by —

A life I didn’t even think i’d make it to live.

Here i am.

Sad and trapped.

I feel burnout from the pressures of life and school.

So many big decisions to make.

I’m not ready.

I want to crawl in a shell because i feel so

Unprepared.

I didn’t prepare…

Because I wasn’t planning to be here.

And now sometimes i think to myself —

“What do i do with my life now?”

I was planning to make that terrible, permanent mistake.

Now im not going to. Not ever.

I just need to heal and figure myself out,

But the question is:

Where do i start?

I feel like im out time.

I feel like I’ve been thrown into it all —

Like how Daniel was thrown into the lions’ den.

Except mine is a big, dark world

Full of expectations of me.

I can’t live up to them.

And I don’t want to.

I don’t necessarily care about all of that.

I just want to be free.

For once in my life,

I want to be free from the shackles of my mind.

Sad and trapped.

I don’t want to try to live up to the expectations

people have for me.

It’s draining. Unattainable.

I just want someone to listen to me.

To hear me.

I don’t want advice —

Not yet.

Because sometimes i feel like people aren’t really listening.

I know they mean well.

I know its from a good place.

I need someone to understand me.

I need someone to help me.

I’ve noticed my faults.

The big question is —

Where do i go from here?

Where do i start my new journey?

Is there even hope for me?

(There always is)

-me, talking to myself in my head.

— W. Z. O N E

transmission complete.