Scared to Feel Normal

Journal Entry November 4, 2018

I think its kind of messed up…

I think I’ve just gotten used to feeling this way.

I feel like, in some weird way, i find comfort in it.

Like in some kind of messed up way,

I want to stay like this.

I think its because I’ve felt this for so long —

I’ve gotten used to it.

And i think I’m scared to feel normal.

I don’t even know what that would feel like anymore.

So what’s the point?

Because i say i want to change…

But I don’t really try.

Some days, i really do want to.

But most days?

I just say it.

And I don’t really mean it.

Ya know?

Barely holding.

— w. z. o n e